Me Inside The TV

I just got back from my first ever TV interview, and I'm still unsure what this was in reference to, but the first thing Connie Martinson said to me was, "Well, I don't know if you knew this interview was going to be for TV, but if you're fine with that, then I am too." You might be thinking that the "fine" talk was in reference to the taping of the interview, but it was actually directed more, as far as I can tell, at what I was wearing. I think Connie was dissing my threads. But it was a subtle diss, and only taken in conjunction with the fact that I obviously knew I was there for a taping did it become that much more sharp, i.e. there's no way I would pick my hot green halter top and pink heels had I known it would be documented for all time. I think. I'm telling you, it was all very confusing and faint.

But maybe Connie just knew something I didn't about the compatibility of halter tops and clip on mics. The crew watched while I snaked the wire up my cotton shirt, which was kind of a circus trick because I didn't technically have on a bra today. And then the wire was sitting over my boob, and you could see it through the top, so the producer pointed to my breast and was gently like, "Uhhh, can you shift that so we can't see it?" So I plunged into my neckline again and transported the wire over bare boob to my right side, and I was thinking, "This must look sort of weird, me fishing around my naked boob." When I had to retrieve the wire mic from my shirt after the interview, the author who was going to need it next, Noah, was standing there watching, and I realized as I passed on the thing that the transaction was kind of the public access cable book show version of feeling me up. If only it was guaranteed to bring in ratings.

Today must be erotically charged because as I finished this post I just looked out my window, and I think I'm seeing live bird sex.

Comments

[bonacker]

I tuned into the net stream of Connie Martinson's show which appears on the San Francisco Government website which streams all of its Board of Supervisors meetings and committee hearings and, for some odd reason, Connie Martinson.Andrea wasn't on.Hey Andrea,could you give us a heads up as to when you'll be on? Even like "not for a couple of weeks" would be helpful.

" I think Connie was dissing my threads..."

I saw Connie this morning, and although I saw her in extremely low rez,I could see that she is in no postion to diss anyone's threads,unless she's had one of those extreme wardrobe makeovers and is now "wearing Richard Tyler" or something.

This raises the question of whether it was a diss at all:

Supporting the "it was a diss" proposition is that from the two minutes I saw her,I wouldn't put it past her.I think she could easily be catty.Also she's a middle aged woman whose clothes hung so loosely that one could reasonably infer that she no longer has any shape.For a woman like that,a twenty something in a halter top can be depressing.

Supporting the opposing proposition is that Andrea is a solipsist and that Connie Martinson is probably a busy woman who sees better looking women all day and is unlikely to be thrown by any one woman.Also if she's a mature woman interviewing people as a career,she probably has learned that insulting her guests will not help her ambitions to be the next Barbara Walters.On the other hand,the fact that she has stagnated in public access cable may be the smoking gun we're looking for.

"Well, I don't know if you knew this interview was going to be for TV, but if you're fine with that, then I am too." is really cryptic and interesting.Andrea,maybe in these situations,you need to ask, "What do you mean?"

To the Readers of the Blog:

I wish more people would post comments to Andrea's blog.The girl is writing her heart out for you.She doesn't ask much.Give the girl some positive feedback.You read her all the time.Is it nice to just read and run?Day after day of "0 comments" must make her question the value of blogging.What if she quits?How will you feel then?The girl is sensitive;haven't you noticed?For God's sake,leave some comments for the girl.Like,what do you think Connie meant?Discuss amongst yourselves.

[susie]

Connie was totally dissing you and there is nothing wrong with wearing a halter top and high heels to an interview. If you should ever find yourself sitting opposite Matt Lauer or Regis and Kelly I'd say wear the same outfit - you're 24! You can wear whatever you want!!

I miss public access television - Directv doesn't have it. I miss Francine Dancer although I sometimes see her in a wheelchair crossing Sunset by Amoeba records. Guess maybe she can't dance anymore.

I can't stop thinking about that weird poking incident. I had a nightmare about it last night. It's super creepy and now when i walk down the street I have heightened awareness of the people around me.

Not a bad thing, I guess, but I'm awful jumpy.

[Impressionarium]

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Siegel's on-air microphone experience, believe it or not, is not at all uncommon - which is why gaffer's tape is an absolute necessity, along with museum wax and 3M backless tape. Removable dulling spray became an increasingly important staple at our publishing house after we made the initial mistake of trying to promote highly reflective and metallic book jackets [now an industry standard] through the magic of electronic transmission waves.

As for the cardinal sin of wearing a halter top and heels to a book interview - we find the defendant's actions to be perfectly acceptable in the entertainment industry, a category to which authors belong whether they are willing to accept it or not. We do, however, find her guilty of a gross misunderstanding of color theory, and sentence her to three years in Miss Allison's Charm School for Wayward and Colorblind Girls. Registration begins in the fall.

The preposterous humor in the ridiculously out of place sexual situation our heroine found herself in was just too ripe to leave unmentioned, however - we couldn't resist ourselves earlier in teasing her with an incredibly silly parody of her inspiring experience written as a truly awful Harlequin romance escapade, complete with the prerequisite heaving bosom. Amusingly, this bodice ripping masterpiece appears to have hit the editing floor, the fate of so many other poor authors' submissions littering our workplace floors. We did have a lot of fun with it, even if it was a bit lengthy, and rather [intentionally] even more over the top. Our favorite line was:

"Outside, the raw sounds of feathers being ruffled drenched the humid afternoon with urgency."

We never did find a proper segue to insert our all time classic line, though:

"It was a dark and stormy night, and the rustling sound of an estimated one trillion cicadas mating was once again causing sleeplessness in the quaint seaside town known as Cranberry Cove."

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[sándor]

You know who I miss on LA public access? Bianca Rossini.