Let's Break It Down
Came home today, and my blog wasn't home. I was like, "Blog. It's Tuesday. Blog day. Where you be?" At four o'clock, I got a phone call. It was my blog.
My blog said, "I love you. I really, really love you."
"Are you drunk?" I asked.
My blog yelled, "Spring break!!!!! Woo-hooooooo! Let's get this P-A-R-T-Y started."
Me: "Shit. You're drunk."
Blog: "Not drunk, buzzed. If I was drunk, I wouldn't remember this conversation. And I'm totally remembering it."
Me: "Where are you right now?"
Blog: "Leaving this tattoo place. I just got the best tattoo. The best."
Me: "Is it a butterfly right above your ass?"
Blog: "Yeahhh right. I'm not one of those typical girls, you know? I'm a {fifteen second pause while Blog tries to chase the rest of her thought} trailblazer."
Me: "Chain of daisies around your ankle?"
Blog: "Nah, suckaaa. Ring of dolphins."
Me: "Cute. So you've got to get your ass back here. It's blogging day."
Blog: "No can do. I'm in Florida. And I just met this guy at the hotel pool, and I think he's everything that I've been looking for. He's got great nipples."
Me: "What's so great about them?"
Blog: "They leak tequila. You've got to see. It's amazing."
Me: "So when are you coming back? Florida's no way to live a life."
Blog: "When I find myself. Just kidding. {Blog lapses into hysterical, drunken laughter.} I guess when I run out of clean thongs. I'm too wasted to do laundry, and I don't want to use wine cooler money for new panties."
Me: "See you in a week."
Your blog has a great voice.
Posted by: Pauly D | March 17, 2005 at 08:10 PM