My galley page-proofs came this week, and it's a much different thing to see your book in a not-chosen-by-you font than it is to see it in the Courier New with which you originally wrangled. All of a sudden your work seems like it didn't come from you. And you see it clearly for the first time, see the way it's been put together. Which is why I sent off an email to my agent, pronto. (Meaning ASAP, not meaning that my agent's name is Pronto. That, however, would be a rad agent name!)
(* I was sent some this week.)**
(** Annnnnnnd the Citibank commercial featuring the slogan, "There's more to life than money" just came on my TV screen.)***
(***When I have enough money to have a frozen yogurt machine purring next to the Icee machine in my home kitchen, then I will know I have enough, thank you Citibank.)
a commission check is on its way to you.
do you realize i wrote two-thirds of my book in 2nd person? isn't 2nd person like the most insanely cursed voice of all time?
I realize this makes me sound incredibly stupid, but I didn't fully realize that I wrote the majority of my book in the voice that dare not speaketh its name before I got the proof. In AP English senior year, my teacher, Mrs. Schmenk, while teaching The Sound And The Fury, let us know that the second-person is impossible to sustain in any credible or engrossing way, and thus is the bastard of narrative voice choices. And thus should generally be avoided unless you want to get made fun of. Which means that I have now started mentally prepping myself in anticipation of getting made fun of, and it will be especially tough if I get made fun of by Entertainment Weekly, which I have a crush on.
And just a couple of weeks ago I was sitting in a UCLA writers workshop because I had to observe another teacher's methods (oh yeah, if you live in L.A. and have always fantasized about sitting across a table from me and staring into my dreamy brown eyes, I will be teaching "Novel Writing I" for UCLA Extension Spring semester, and I think enrollment opens next month. Only fifteen spaces available! You might have to poke out an eye if you're sixteenth in line), and this one student wanted to know what I thought of third-person omniscient. I proceeded to go into an explanation about how it's become "unfashionable" and sort of difficult to manage (because no one trusts an "author" anymore and so an omniscient authorial voice becomes confusing, causing readers to ask, "Is God supposed to be telling this story?" Because the modern mind seems to just need a fictional viewpoint to be assigned to some organized psyche, no matter how abstract that psyche), but I should have told the guy, "Well, at least your book-in-progress isn't written in second-person. You go, girl. Middle-aged man. I mean."
The guy looked extremely sad when he heard that third-person omniscient isn't fashionable, sad in the way that Los Angeles girls will get when you remind us that Uggs are no longer fashionable. Maybe he'll be the one to restore the voice's status. I didn't mean to discourage him or suggest that he choose a tidy third-person from a singular perspective, but just wanted to warn him. Give him a friendly heads up. And now I'm kind of wishing that someone had said to me, "Second person, what the fuck, homegirl? That shit hasn't even gone the way of the dodo because it never even was the dodo." I can't say that the warning would have changed anything (except the book's title, maybe, which would possibly have been, It's Mostly In Second-Person, I Knowwww) but I simply would have had more prep time for the critical pies that will likely get thrown at my head (which might be losing hair (I'm not sure if it is, actually) due to a theoretical health problem, which I went and got blood-tested for last Thursday, f.y.i. Greg The Doctor. Results tomorrow, maybe.)
Anyway, I'm moving to a new place this week. I will unpack boxes and be amazed to find things that I didn't remember packing from only five days ago.