Well, it's time to reveal this year's wrapping theme (following 2005's Blue Winter, 2006's Fall Into The Holidays, 2007's Black Christmas......(/Hanukah), 2008's A Very Polo Holiday, and 2009's Not Totally Classy):
And it is Birds Of A Feather.
I came up with this theme while thinking about how, especially as you get older, it becomes more and more important to recognize the people you're on a level with- i.e. to find the people that you "flock together" with- since an understanding of the spirit is so rare and helps to drown out so much of the other bullshit you encounter whenever you attend a party. But I also came up with this theme while searching Amazon for "gift wrap" because I had about $10 leftover from an unused gift card, and one of the greatest lasting gifts my dad ever gave to me was his ongoing membership to Amazon Prime. I found the blue peacock wrapping paper first, and I have really strong feelings about teal and electric blue, so I was like, "Okay, this is it." All of the papers are variations on that theme, from the more graphic depictions of the peacock feather on brown and green paper to the more wispy interpretation on the pink to the more Louis XIV vibe on the gold.
At my local Michaels store there is this cashier who keeps the most psychotic eye contact with you while simultaneously smiling and not watching the register, and when she was ringing up all these feathers, she asked (again, holding 100% eye contact, no blinking), "What are you going to make with these???" And the way she asked that question, it was as if she was dying to know. Or maybe dying to kill me. Either one. I could only really get this intensity across to you if I had a picture of her expression, and I'm too concerned to put my phone in her face. But anyway, I was like, "Oh, they're just for wrapping gifts this year," and before I even had that last consonant of "year" out, she was beaming, "THAT IS A GREAT IDEA! THAT IS SO GREAT!" and I nodded, maybe a little scared, because yeah, I have some decent wrapping visions, but only I'm supposed to get so excited about this shit.
These two presents might be the gifts I'm most proud of wrapping ever because they were pretty impossible. I'd tell you what's in them, but 3 and 7 year-olds are getting more and more technologically savvy these days, and I'm not totally sure what their blog reading habits are. I can say that these gifts are not paddles for sorority/fraternity hazing.
So there you go, another year under the fanny pack. I hope everyone has a remarkable 2011, especially if 2010 bummed you out, and, uh, I hope your greatest dreams fly free (trying to stay on theme here).