In the spirit of Miley Cyrus' "7 Things I Hate About You," which I watched her perform live on this morning's Today show, I present "7 Things That I Hate About This Chair:"
1. The seller says this is "faux velvet," but I don't think I knew velvet could go faux. I knew it could go cheap and be made out of cotton or polyester when it would have been significantly nicer out of silk, but it's still velvet. Just shit velvet. Which might not have sounded as good in the ad.
2. The seller's selling because he's "getting married, fiance won't let me keep them." So this chair's being listed by a total pussy.
3. It reminds me of the word "rockabilly," which I haven't had to deal with since I was working at Sam Goody and everyone who drifted in wanted "that new Squirrel Nut Zippers album!"
4. It has red trim you can't see in the photo, and the seller's actually boasting this detail.
5. The seller says he "paid over $1600 to have [it] shipped to me in Vegas," which tells me this chair is coming from the home of a total fucking idiot because he thought he wouldn't be able to find this in VEGAS.
6. Those weird little feet.
7. It comes with this ottoman: